I'm Sorry For The Angel (Heaven Let Me Think Was You)
by selenai
Summary: It's a dream. But it feels like so much more than that. Thor just wishes he could stay asleep forever.


AN: I'm writing so much Thorki rn. THORKI EVERY DAYYYYY. Yet, no smut. One day there will be smut. I need prompts! If anyone has anything Thorki they want written, feel free to give me ideas and I'll do my best! :)))

Hopefully y'all like this. It made me really sad to write! T_T

Everything felt weightless. There was no worry, no grief, no pain. Thor looked around blearily. Everything was so bright. It was a pale yellow, and then, all of a sudden, his bare feet were caressed by the soft blades of grass he remembered from back home.

Asgard…

His chest should have ached with the memory, but in this place, there was no pain. Just… an ease.

He was… alone? He looked around, brushing long, blond hair from his face. He was startled to find that it was no longer matted around his face. He looked down. The proof of the depth of his pain and grief was no longer pushing out at the fabric of his shirt, an accusation of malcare.

He was wearing only a tunic and loose pants that he would've worn to bed when he was still a crowned prince. Before everything had fallen apart.

Ordinarily thoughts of those nature would've had him reaching for something to eat, or a strong drink, but instead he let out a deep breath of release. No pain. No mourning what was already gone.

Was he dead? Or was he dreaming?

Once he'd had a dream with such ease that had been gifted to him from his brother.

_Loki…_ he breathed out as he closed his eyes.

_Behind you_ came an unexpected response. But he didn't hear it. He felt it. And then a pale, always cool, hand on his shoulder.

His heart skipped a beat and he turned. Eyes wide, throat tight, until he was facing what had been behind him.

There was a shadow there. Loki. Dressed much the same as he was, only his features were younger, lighter, less troubled.

"Brother," he gasped as he stumbled forward, arms outstretched.

When he reached the shadow, Loki's bright green eyes were shining, reflecting the light of the space they were in. "I'm here. I'm always here," Loki's voice echoed in and around him.

It felt a little unnatural, but it was easily the happiest Thor had been in years. This was his brother. His sweet Loki the way he'd always remembered him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he wrapped arms around Loki, pulling him close, and oh. He was so warm. Warmer than he'd ever been in life. Thor squeezed his eyes shut, and it was like his heart was trying to ache for what he'd lost, but Loki wouldn't let him.

Always the trickster.

"How is this possible?" He asked.

"You'd know if you ever paid attention in your lessons," came his brother's teasing voice, and Loki was grinning mischievously up at him. Thor returned the smile a little shakily.

"I guess that's just one more thing to apologize for," Thor said softly.

Loki shook his head and reached up to push blond locks away from Thor's face. "No. No more apologizing," he said firmly. And in that voice was the tone of a man that had been born to be king.

"W-what?" Thor asked slowly, blinking down at his brother, his head tilted to the side as if to soak in as much of the feel of Loki as he was being granted.

"You're still worthy," Loki's voice reverberated through his body. "You'll always be worthy, whether you are alone or surrounded by your friends."

"I don't feel worthy without you," Thor gasped, the ache that ought to have been in his chest making him feel a little empty.

"But you are. You must believe it. You will be the saviour of Asgard, even in this state."

Thor shook his head and, when he blinked, was not even a little surprised to feel the warm trail of tears that slid down his cheeks. He was used to crying now. He did it all the time. He'd mourned his brother for years already. His brother, his mother, his father, and maybe even his sister a little.

Loki's cool fingers, cool in a way that his body was so warm against Thor, brushed against his cheeks and he wiped away the tears before pushing himself up onto his toes to kiss against the flesh they'd caressed. The kisses sent jolts of warmth through Thor and his breath caught in his throat.

"Loki…"

Loki shook his head and lowered himself back down to being flat footed. "I also miss you, brother, but it's too soon for you to join me. Don't think I am lonely. For mother gives me great company. I'm nowhere near as lonely as you."

Trembling slightly, Thor nodded and lifted a hand from Loki;s waist to cup his cheeks. "No one has shared my bed since you…"

Loki grinned a little at that and shook his head. "My dear brother, staying pure for me?" he asked teasingly.

Thor felt a warm flush grace his cheeks, no longer tear stained, and he glanced away. "I will never want another the way I had you," he admitted.

"I may still come back to you," Loki admitted.

Thor tensed and his gaze snapped back to Loki. "What- how?" He asked. "Was this death a trick as well?"

Loki shook his head. "Of course not, brother. My death was the most honest thing I've ever done. But things that are to come, things that may be, things may still change. It's up to you."

Thor drew in a shaking breath. "I'll do anything!" He vowed.

Loki chuckled softly, and by the gods, Thor had never seen him so at peace with himself. "I know you will. I have faith in you. I always have."

Thor tilted his head down and chastely brushed his lips against Loki's. He didn't know what was appropriate in this realm. He didn't know if their parents could see. Didn't know if it was forbidden. But Thor had always been one to take what was offered to him. And Loki had always freely offered himself.

"Do you want to come back?" Thor whispered against those full lips.

Loki threaded long, pale fingers through hair that was only a little darker than them. "I'd give all of this up to be with you again, brother."

Thor felt his fingers shaking where they held Loki. His whole body was humming with a pleasant thrill of acceptance and yet… there was still longing there. A very human longing that apparently even this place, a place that had been able to rid Thor of even his most painful grief, hadn't been able to strip him of.

"Good," he said firmly as he brushed his nose against Loki's gently. He felt, more than saw, Loki's brows draw together and his eyes close. "I want you to fight from this side the same way I'll fight from my side to be together again."

Loki snorted a soft laugh. "Already being done brother. How do you think I come to you now?"

Thor smiled a bright, sunshiney smile. "You've always been the stronger of the two of us."

Loki shrugged one shoulder. "I know."

Thor rolled his eyes, and he felt a pull. A pull he had no desire to give into. One that was trying to yank him from this place.

"You have to go now," Loki said, his voice echoing in that far away way again, and Thor could feel him disappearing from his hold. That grief and pain singing the ends of his consciousness. "It has started."

Thor shook his head. "Let's just stay here," he pleaded, grappling at the air where Loki had been standing.

"Be strong. Don't give up. Remember. You're still worthy."

With a jolt, Thor jerked up and rolled off his bed, landing on the floor with a loud oomph, the floorboards creaking with the effort of holding him. "Fuck," he whispered.

All of the warmth and acceptance and love he'd felt only moments before had dissipated and he was left feeling bereft of all positivity.

"Loki," he gasped as tears began to fall again, unbidden and this time without cool fingers to wipe them away.

But still, that dream had been so real. He could still feel the grass of Asgard beneath bare feet. He'd been there. It had been real. Loki had called out to him.

He wouldn't give up. This time he wiped the tears away on his own and stood. He wasn't going to let his family down. He needn't mourn them any longer.

He was going to do anything he could to be the bringer of life to his brother. He'd do _anything_. Even if that meant pulling together the most life changing effort he had to. He would no longer lie in filth and let himself fade away to nothing. He was the King of Asgard! He had to do whatever was possible to save his people!

Loki would know what to do. Maybe he just needed to- needed to bring everyone together. The Avengers. And tell them what he'd seen. Maybe Bruce or Tony would understand what Loki had been talking about.

Selfishly, he wanted to keep it to himself, but he needed the bigger brains. The ones who could actually bring the future to fruition.

It was going to happen. Loki. He was going to come back, and Thor felt it in his bones. He could still smell the winter's air, snow, coldness, frost. Loki's scent, it clung to his nostrils. Loki.

_I'll bring you back, even if it kills me, Brother._


End file.
